Musings....

I just got done browsing and boo-hooing over a bunch of blogs about kids with cancer. I know... seems like a strange thing to be doing but there is an acquaintance of mine here in the Village whose 7 month old baby was diagnosed with Leukemia last year. She has just come home and is finally in remission. She had a blog about the experience with links to other blogs of families that she met at the hospital during her daughters fight. It was sobering to say the least. Some of the kids didnt make it. Some did and are still fighting. It gives me such perspective to read things like this occasionally, even if it is difficult. I have 3 healthy, beautiful, children. Aside from some stitches and a couple of minor surgeries, my kids rarely see the inside of a hospital.

I am so grateful for that fact. Cancer is no joke. It has devastating affects both on the person who has it as well as on their families who fight along side them. I pray that I dont have to go through anything like that with my children. Also, yesterday and old high school acquaintance had quite a scare. She got a call informing her that her 15 year old son was lost in the high Uintah mountains. He was there for scout camp. That mountain has claimed the lives of many a scout who found himself lost. It is not a place you want to get lost in. I was so worried for her and thought it must be a mom's worst nightmare. Of course there are many events that could qualify as "moms worst nightmare". We cannot keep our kids sheltered and within our loving grasp at all times, unfortunately. All we can do is hope that they are watched over by a power stronger than a Mother's love and that we teach them what they need to survive in the big bad world. Thankfully, they did find my friends son, unharmed although probably a little shaken. He had hiked 20 miles out of the way after taking a wrong turn on the trail. Yikes....but what a relief that all is well.

So what else? I had lunch with my hermanos the other day. We went to Ruth's Diner up in Emigration Canyon. Great place to eat if you are in the area. I only got a picture of Nathan though...sorry Jeff!

Addie was excited to get "bigger" earrings. Apparently the teeny tiny (fake) diamond studs just werent cutting it anymore so with her birthday money from Mawmaw she bought an assorted variety of "bigger" earrings. Haha...here she is in her hoops ;)

Friday, Ian had to go to the dermatologist to get a massive wart removed from his knee. He wanted me to promise that it wouldnt hurt but I told him I had no clue what they were even going to do to remove it. The wart was very large and thick and therefore required freezing, a shot of anesthetic (or two), burning, and then finally cutting it off. Wow. I could have never predicted that he would have to have all of it done. Poor thing. If you know my son then you know the kind of noise he made over it. VERY melodramatic...the doctor was laughing and saying "we know who to call if we ever need a set of lungs to scare off bad customers".... haha.

Let's just say Ian does not tolerate needles and pain very well....I tried my best not to laugh. Really I did. But the whole thing was rather comical. In the end I apologized by taking him to see Harry Potter for the second time. He also has a wart on his elbow but the doctor opted to just freeze it and put a little acid on it rather than repeat the fiasco he had just experienced. Unfortunately, if the wart doesnt go away from that treatment, Ian will have to come back and repeat the bad way....let's hope it goes away!

Addison has decided she wants long hair. I was hoping to keep it shorter for a couple more years so it could get a little thicker and not have as many tangles. But, if she wants it long then thats fine too. She got some headbands today and I thought she looked cute. Wonder how long it will take for her hair to grow? If its like my hair...forever!

We had a lesson in church today during Relief Society by Ellen Fagg. She is married now and Im not sure what her last name is but I LOVE it when she teaches. She writes for the Salt Lake Tribune. I've never actually read any of her columns, I am embarrassed to admit that. But, she is a writer....something I would love to be. I would really like to sit down with her and find out about how she got where she is. What she studied....how she got this job. She seems like a very interesting person. The reason I love her lessons so much is that she doesnt just read along in the book....she really discusses the subject matter. She allows everyone to express their thoughts or experiences....and then she uses them in the lesson. And, the best part is that she always provides the most amazing quotes, poetry, and/or stories on a handout for us to take home. Today's lesson was on enduring trials and how we can get through them and learn to appreciate them.....understanding that they happen to everyone. Here is the poetry she gave us today. I think you can interpret it anyway you want, either way...I thought it was beautiful.

The Way It Is

There's a thread you follow. It goes among things that change.
But it doesn't change. People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread. But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can't get lost. Tragedies happen; people get hurt or die;
and you suffer and get old. Nothing you do can stop time's unfolding.
You don't ever let go of the thread.

~William Stafford

On another note, Denver and I watched "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" last night. This was a really good movie. Not exactly a happy ending....but what an interesting way to look at life. The character was able to see different stages of life from the opposite point of view. Living as an old man but with a childs mind....and then the reverse...being young in body but having the mind of man who had been through life and was in his "twilight" years. Makes you wonder if you would do things differently having, or not having, the knowledge that life experiences give us.....

Sunday Thoughts...

We watched a movie Friday night called "Slumdog Millionaire"....you've heard of it I am sure. It won a bazillion awards at the Oscars, Golden Globes etc. Anyway...if you haven't seen it and are wondering if it lived up to the hype my answer is "YES". Although the movie was not necessarily a 'feel good' movie, it was a sobering reminder of all that is good in our country as well as a deeply personal reminder of all that is good in my own little world. I've been thinking about it all weekend.... Yes our economy sucks... Yes our President seems to making ridiculous decisions (in my opinion, of course).... Sometimes it feels like we are just around the corner from completely falling apart. But, in the midst of all of this, we really do have it good. I just cannot imagine living in a place like that which is depicted in this movie. I keep thinking surely it was exaggerated for Hollywood purposes.... but in researching the movie I have found that it is actually pretty accurate. Im sure that there are 'nicer' places in India than what was shown in the movie but overall, it left me really grateful to live in this country.

Yesterday was such a frustrating day. First of all there is someone close to me that has been in the hospital all week with a mysterious health problem. Everytime I got an update, I was left feeling as though the staff at the hospital were really circus performers undercover. Like we were being 'Punked' or something. I understand that you never have the same nurse all day long. Shifts change, schedules change.....but the level of care shouldnt change and for hecks sake it would be nice if they would communicate with each other as they switched. I was beginning to think that this person would never leave the hospital because no one at the hospital seemed to really know why they were there in the first place. It was crazy. The good news today was that they are officially home and hopefully on the mend....now that the hospital figured it out! The other frustrating thing about yesterday involved another major organization. My husband owes his ex-wife money from child support arrears. There were times in the past when months were skipped for one reason or another and over the years, interest has been added to that balance. A few months ago I made a startling discovery that there are over $7000 in payments missing from this organizations records that I have proof were made. So, I spent 3 or 4 days making copies, filling out forms, and typing a nice neat letter of explanation that detailed each and every document included. This was no small task. But, I wanted to be thorough.....we were simply asking that they recalculate the arrearage and include the missing payments and make adjustments for interest charged on payments that were never missing to begin with. Yes, Denver would still owe some money after all that but the amount would be significantly less. So, yesterday we received a letter stating that they had completed their review. However, nothing was mentioned about a new balance. In fact the letter made no sense at all. They concluded that they were justified in taking Denvers tax refund to apply to the balance. OK......we never questioned that. We dont care about that. This request had nothing to do with that. So, we are back to square one with absolutely nothing accomplished. What kind of fools do they have working over there anyway (Arizona DES) ? UGH! It left me in a foul mood to say the least. I do feel better today though. I went to church and the message was clear....everything will work out. We definitely dont owe the money and one way or another, it will get fixed and the balance will be adjusted.

Sometimes, I think we just have to stop and take a breath. This past week I have really reflected on my family both immediate and extended. Things happen so fast sometimes that you can be caught off guard..... I tend to think it is God's way of slowing us down so that we can take care of unfinished business or to look at a situation and realize that we need to make changes. I hope that I can recognize these messages when they come and then have the courage to take the action necessary..... I am so grateful for the life that I have. It isnt perfect and sometimes Im left wishing I had a little more....but then I have a week like this one and realize that I really do have it pretty good.

The Value of Time.....

My Aunt Chrissy sent me this little thought/poem about the value of time. I could personally relate to more than one of them as I know she can too so I wanted to share it......

To realize The value of a sister...

Ask someoneWho doesn't have one.

To realize The value of ten years...

Ask a newly Divorced couple.

To realize The value of four years...

Ask a graduate

To realize The value of one year...

Ask a student who Has failed a final exam.

To realize The value of nine months...

Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize The value of one month....

Ask a mother who has given birth to A premature baby.

To realize The value of one week...

Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize The value of one minute...

Ask a person Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize The value of one-second...

Ask a person Who has survived an accident.

To realize the value of a friend or family member:

LOSE ONE.

Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.

Goodbye 2008......

I realize that it isnt the New Year quite yet but dont you always feel like once we hit the middle of November it's just downhill from there and suddenly it's January 1st. Well, thats how I feel. Im sitting here planning the budget for the next few weeks and realizing that it is basically 2009 already. Where does time go~ We are getting ready for Ian's baptism, which is on December 6th. He is very excited and anxious. He wasnt happy that he had to wait a whole month! Addison is busy growing up. She is talking all the time now although Im not always sure what she is saying. And Evan is growing his 2 front teeth back in and starting to look much older. Time marches on.

Christmas will be a little bit hard this year. Denver will most likely be gone, unless he waits to leave Christmas Day. He will be spending his 2 week break from work in Kentucky with his dad. I wish we could all go with him. I would really love for the kids especially to see their "Dadi" one more time.... He is so sick and it just kinda hangs on you like a dark cloud to think about what he must be going through. We feel very helpless out here but know that there wouldnt be much else we could do if we were there either. Anyway, Im happy that at least Denver will get to go and see his dad. Thanksgiving will be spent with Nathan and Alisa. Jeff and Nicola are going to Vegas to spend it with my parents. Alec is also flying in to spend turkey day with us....the kids are very excited about this. I have much to be thankful for this year as I do every year....but this year feels different for a number of reasons. I finally feel like I know who I am and what I want out of this life. I have set goals which I am accomplishing one by one. Im starting to really enjoy myself and even though I have spent more years than necessary figuring stuff out, it feel so good to be in the place that I am. Its not perfect.....but I know where Im headed and its awesome.

Ive decided to go back to school next Fall.....maybe even the summer if I can work it out in time. Im going to get an English degree along with licensure to be a secondary education teacher. I've decided that if Im going to have to work full time after the kids are all in school, then why not get a job with the same hours as theirs.....summers off, no daycare. I have big dreams to complete a minor along with it too, if I can handle it. Either in Spanish or Editing. But, that is down the road a little. Im just excited at the prospect of getting to finish school and have a career, albeit not a very good paying one :) ......... Funny, when I was younger I always said I could never teach. Then I had kids and realized that Yes, I probably can. Interesting what a little maturity and experience does to your opinions.

Ok, Im signing off now.....hope you all enjoy this blustery day (the wind is crazy here right now)

Morning Jibber Jabber.....

We woke up a little late to get Ian to the bus this morning so I ended up having to drive him and Evan both to school. On the way to Ian's school, we came across an accident. Our streets around our neighborhood are pretty little tree-lined streets where most people observe the speed limit so I am not sure what in the world caused the horrific scene we witnessed this morning. There is a little park that I have posted pictures of the kids playing at before. Somehow this car looked as if it had backed up over the curb and through the park fence.....there was a pickup truck facing it nose to nose as if it had pushed the car backwards over the curb and through the fence. The car was wedged so tightly between the fence posts that the firemen had to literally saw off the top of the car to get the person out. They were sawing as we passed. When we came back the other way after dropping Ian off, they had gotten the person out and had packed them onto the stretcher.....they appeared to be alive which was a relief. It serves as a reminder that some of the worst accidents happen right around the corner from home.

Meanwhile, Addison managed to undo her carseat belt....a new trick she is trying to master...and had climbed out of her seat onto the floor of my van. The only reason I had realized this was because she announced that she needed to pee and then proceeded to pee right where she stood. I heard the trickling and looked back to witness it. Nice. Suddenly I am missing diapers.....Ok, I take that back, no more diapers! Any ideas on how to keep her contained in her carseat now that she has figured out how to unlock it?

I had the thought yesterday that I am really entering a new stage in my life. For the past 8 years I have basically focused all of my energy on my kids and family. And I have been totally fine with that. I would do anything for my family....sacrifice anything. However, I have been feeling like maybe its time to allow myself a little time for me....not a lot of course because my main priority is still here at home but you know here and there.....lunch with a friend, bunco once a month, voice lessons. I still have to fight the urge to justify it....just like I am doing now. It is difficult for me not to feel tremendous guilt when I leave the kids with dad or with a babysitter. Even though I dont do it that often, it is hard for me. But, it feels so nice to get away even for an hour. Is that horrible? I just decided that I am already 37 and I dont want to be 57 and thinking, why didnt I do that? So, slowly I am entering this stage and kinda enjoying it..... I am meeting friends for lunch this weekend.....next week I have a bunco game and a voice lesson..... In Jan/Feb Im going on a 3 day girls trip to Taos, New Mexico for some skiing..... Its nice to have me time and I think it will make me a better mom too! One of these days when I get in better running shape, and I will, Im going to start making little running trips to different races. I plan on bringing the family to those though! Im hoping my kids will catch the bug to run and be healthy with me..... Anyway, I am just jibbering this morning but wanted to "write" down my thoughts.

For those wondering, my father-in-law Don is not doing very well. Some are saying they hope he makes it to Christmas, others are more positive. It is difficult to really know how he is doing from here of course. He fell a week or so ago and really hasnt gotten out of bed since. He wont eat. We think he should stop taking the chemo for a little while to try and get his strength back but others are to afraid to allow that......I hate to hear how he is suffering. I hate that my kids probably wont get to see him again. I hate that we cant help somehow. I hope he knows how much we love him...... We are going to send Denver there for a couple of weeks over Christmas so he can spend time with his dad. They did get a new medication yesterday that is supposed to help him eat. I hope it works. He can use all the prayers he can get......

A Thought To Share......

Sometimes I find myself feeling sorry for my situation. Angry that life hasnt treated me more fairly. What did I do to deserve this? Worried and anxious......I end up trying to place blame and then I find myself in an uglier place than when I started. Today at church a lesson was taught that incorporated this poem below. I was very moved by it. Although her lesson was not about the things I am mentioning here, this poem reminded me that no matter what life throws at me, I can only grow from its experiences. That without the turbulence, I wouldnt know or understand peace. Without the disappointments, I wouldnt appreciate the successes. Doesnt it always seem like when things are going well, something comes along to upset everything? You could blame Murphys Law.....I know I do a lot. However, read this poem and think about it with the perspective that perhaps we are given tough times in order to keep us humble and appreciative. To help us see what is important in this life and to continue learning and growing instead of "getting comfortable" and not progressing. Just a thought that I wanted to share with you today because it touched me.......


Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.
Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.
Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

Sir Francis Drake - 1577

A Thought....or two.

I went to choir rehearsal last night and enjoyed it thoroughly of course. It is very surreal to listen to Merilee Webb (the director)and remember 8th grade. So much of her is the same....her stories, her thoughts, her actions.... anyway. She doesnt just get up there and lead the music. She offers us spiritual thoughts and ideas. Its almost like getting a lesson taught along with singing the music. I love it.

She said some things last night that are still on my mind so I wanted to share them here. I would add them to my favorite quote section but Im not sure they are hers to quote or if she got them from someone herself. The first thing she said was

"remember, you make a difference everywhere you go...either for the good or for the bad, you make a difference."

The other one I liked was...

"when you walk into a room, your energy either adds to the room or takes away from the room...what do you want to do?"

Then she quoted something from Brigham Young which was long but the basic idea was to please keep your negative thoughts to yourself and then she added...

"whenever you open your mouth, you drop fruit and everyone partakes of it. Choose to only drop desireable fruit. Keep the rotten fruit to yourself."

Something to think about......

Hind Sight.....

I have been reflecting a lot lately about the phrase "Hindsight is always 20/20". When Denver received his final grades the other day, he wondered aloud why he had such trouble getting good grades his first year in college at age 19. "Was it really that difficult?" he mused. I laughed of course because #1. No it wasnt and #2. It wouldnt have mattered anyway....easy or not, Denver was bound to fail because he wasnt there for the right reasons. Either way, I started thinking about my own college experience and how it tops my small list of regrets....not finishing college that is. I have always thought that regretting your past is not healthy. Granted, there are a few things that I wish I could do differently. Choices that I made foolishly. However, most of what a person does in his/her life is called "life experience". Without it, there would be no personal growth. My past is a part of me, it is what has helped to mold me into who I am now, it is what makes me different from the rest. I have very few regrets. And I am pretty certain that I still have a lot more to learn. More mistakes to make. I wish that "kids" today could have the 'foresight' to really understand how important their youth is. I can remember thinking I had all the time in the world to live my life. Play now, work later. Denver of course wishes he had not wasted his college opportunities back then when he was younger, healthier, had less responsibilites, more time, more money......you get the picture. How do you impress that upon your children.... to seize opportunities before they slip away? Of course, if my children are anything like me, they wont really listen anyway. They already know everything....Im pretty certain that my parents mentioned it at least once or twice that I shouldnt let college slip too far behind. You start wondering where you would be right now had you done the smart thing and buckled down....could'a, would'a, shoud'a. This illustrates both the beauty and the danger in focusing on hindsight. Yes it is a valuable tool in evaluating mistakes so as not to make them again. But, it can be destructive too because most of the time you cannot change what has happened....choices are made, consequences are lived through and then you have to move on. Beating yourself up over choices made that you cannot change is unproductive and serves only as a reminder of your failures. I guess you have to find a balance in reflecting on the past in order to make the future better. This is the lesson I hope to impart on my kids. Use your mistakes to learn and grow but dont focus on the fact that you made mistakes because this will only hold you back. Everyone makes mistakes. It is part of the great "plan"..... In the end it is how we have learned from them that matters the most.

On another note, I do not like Tulips. But look at these little beauties that have bloomed in our garden. I really like this breed of Tulip. Cute, petite, and I love the dual colors! Happy Spring!

The Green Thing....

So, I am watching an episode of Oprah yesterday....which I admit was only because I saw that Julia Roberts was on it, I know...shallow. Anyway, I had actually DVR'd it a week ago and it was the "Earth Day" episode so it was all about living Green. Now you know this is like the "in" thing to be.....green, right? I am not one of these types that gets all gung-ho into anything really, except blogging (haha). Really though, I am concientious of the environment. I truly want to make the world better and healthier, the problem is how do people afford it. Let me back up. The first segment of the show talked about how horrible our food is and how we should buy organic everything. Great. I would love to, can you lend me an extra 'grand' every month so that I can afford it? Most average parents out there would love to feed their children organic foods free of pesticides and growth hormones. I have a son who is allergic to peanuts and suffers from really bad allergies and asthma. I firmly believe that eating healthier foods would help that situation for him but when I compare eggs for instance.....$1.35 for regular eggs, $3.25 for free range, brown, organic eggs....well, there just isnt any way for me to justify that. Chicken and Beef too.....an extra $3 minimum for the better meat. It really is unfair. I could go into my whole conspiracy theory about the FDA and Government trying to keep Americans fat and unhealthy but I wont get on that soap box today. In defense of the wealthy "guests" on Oprahs show, they did give a cool recipe for a veggie wash that rids your "non-organic" veggies of most of the pesticide residue. I plan on trying it.....

So, the next thing on the show.... grocery shopping bags. Plastic or Paper? Apparently neither. I wholeheartedly agree with the plastics issue. I watched a show that was about where plastic ends up and it really disgusted me. There is this place in the ocean....somewhere in the Pacific around Hawaii I think, that all the currents kindof come together there. It is hundreds of miles of plastic bottle wasteland. You have never seen anything so gross. Of course the marine life end up ingesting it and you get the picture. Also a beach in Hawaii that doesnt make the tourist mag's happens to be where a lot of this oceanic plastic washes up. It is miles long and the sand is basically plastic chips. It is horrible. When I watched that, I decided that day to never buy bottled water again. We used to buy cases of it because I hate tap water but we havent bought a case since. I have occasionaly bought a bottle of water for work....mostly because I cant keep my re-usable water bottle at my desk. But, we have not purchased bottled water since that show. Our fridge has filtered water and the next place we live I will buy a filtration device for my tap. So, back to grocery bags. Your supposed to say no to paper too because of all the trees that are butchered to make the bags. So what do you do? You use re-usable bags. You know the kind you can buy at the grocery store? Here the problem I have with that. When we grocery shop, we have to use 2 carts to fit everything in. How the heck am I supposed to do re-usable bags? I would have to bring like 50 of them in order to fit everything! Ridiculous. So, I guess I will just have to continue the way I am and feel guilty for the dead trees or the plastic wasteland.

This really isnt a rant, I really do believe that we should take steps to be more aware of the environment and do our best to help clean it up. We recycle.....I try to remember to throw anything in our big blue bin that is recycleable. We dont use plastic water bottles. I have replaced a lot of my light bulbs with the those swirly ones that dont emit that stuff that is bad for the air....(you can see how well versed I am in the green terminology) So, I feel like I am contributing. Would I consider myself green? No. Turquoise maybe.....I'm working on it. When I hit the lottery, then I will replace my vehicles, get solar panels on my home, buy a compost machine, and buy only the best, organic foods for my family.

Wow Moment....

Ok, so I was cleaning my kitchen yesterday when I realized that my oven REALLY needed to be cleaned. Inside it looked as though molten lava had exploded and then hardened in a big pool of black on the bottom of the stove. Im sitting there thinking Im going to need some kind of tool to scrape that stuff off when I notice the words "self cleaning oven" on a sticker...... I guess I kindof knew in the back of my mind that these appliances existed but I have honestly never used one to my knowledge. Of course, because we are renting this house, I dont have the manual to the oven and dont exactly know how to begin the "self cleaning" process. But, it seemed pretty straightforward. There was a button labled "self clean" so I pushed it and off it went.

I sat there and marveled at the fact that an oven could actually clean itself. I think we need more appliances like this. I HATE cleaning my fridge out.....do they make a "self cleaning" fridge? That would be awesome. Then I started thinking (dangerous) how in the world could the oven clean itself without any soap or cleaners? I mean how the heck was the oven going to get that hardened mess off the bottom of itself? Im imagining cats licking themselves or birds picking at their feathers and I just cant seem to imagine the stove doing the same thing. So I looked it up on my trusty computer ( I love my computer) and found out that the oven heats up so blazing hot as to burn the stuff off of it....much like being cremated I guess. Apparently that is why my oven locked its doors upon commencement of the "self cleaning" cycle....so dim wits like myself wont open the door and burn their faces off Indian Jones and The Temple of Doom style. Yes I did try and open it and am truly thankful for the automatic door lock that my oven deployed for my safety....otherwise....well I dont want to think about that!

So, 3 hours later, it finished. I was afraid to open the door. When I did, I was jumping for joy! No more molten lava! Amazing! Although, at first I was perplexed that a few rogue french fries seem to have survived the cremation. They were sitting there intact, albeit powdery white, as if to say HA! You cant get rid of me. Im wondering what have I fed my children that can survive heat like that? Undigestable steel? Then I attempted to pick it up and the poor thing disinegrated the moment I touched it....I dont think I even actually touched it yet. Amazing I tell ya! Ive made a mental note that whenever I get to buy my own house, I will most definitely be purchasing a self cleaning oven. And hey, by the time I am able to buy a house, maybe they will be making self cleaning fridges too! Why not a self cleaning house? Self cleaning laundry? The possibilites are endless and dreamy.

Life is Changing.....we need a Vacation!

So, I am wondering what really qualifies as a vacation? You know those emails that get sent around and you have to answer questions about yourself such as, "when you cried last" or "whats your favorite food"...... yes, well the other day I participated in one that had a question "List 4 vacations you have taken." Seems pretty straight forward right? Well, I couldnt really come up with even one! That is so sad. Granted this past weekend counted as a vacation for me.... first one really! I enjoyed it immensely. However, it was more like a mini-vacation....and considering the fact that my parents live in Las Vegas and I have been there like a thousand times, not to mention the fact that I actually lived there myself for one year, it still didnt feel like an official vacation. So, I have come to the conclusion that my family needs a real vacation. We have just purchased (with the help of angels) plane tickets to Kentucky for Memorial Day weekend......however, this cant count in my book either because we are staying with family and visiting family....in fact the whole point of going is for a family reunion. Dont get me wrong.... I LOVE going to visit family. When we go to Las Vegas, it feels vacation-y because my parents have a pool and anytime I have left my own reality for a time no matter where we go, it feels vacation-y. Next summer though, this is going to be the year of the VACATION! I think we are going to attempt Disneyland/Sea World......

So, enough of that, we are very excited to be going to Kentucky next month. We havent been back since we moved here and I know Denver is really happy to be going. In order to save money on plane tickets we are flying out of Las Vegas to Detroit and then driving down to Kentucky with Denvers' family from Michigan. I know it sounds like a huge pain but we are saving over $200 a ticket x 6 tickets.....that is a lot of money.....so the driving will have to be. We werent sure if Alec would be coming due to an excuse of some sort having to do with football. Turns out he is going to grace us with his presence for the week in Kentucky but after that he needs to go home for football practice. What does this mean? It means that since it is not our year to have him for Christmas that we only get to see him for 1 week out of the whole year. Some people may not think this is a bad thing but I assure you it is. My kids will not understand why their big brother is not coming to see them and of course Denver does not appreciate it at all. But what can you do. He wants to play football and clearly he has his priorities in line which do not include us. I am venting here of course because there is nothing we can really do about it except exercise Denver's right to have him for the summer and insist for nothing less.....this will of course cause more grief than it is worth because who wants a moody teeanger in the house when he is being forced to be here....no thanks. Anyway, I knew it would come to this eventually. He has a life there and doesnt want to leave it even for just a month. We all know this is not really his fault. A child can only fight brainwashing for so long before he believes everything he is told by an ill intentioned parent.

So, Im thinking this means that maybe Seattle will work out after all. Im not really going to expound on that subject as there is nothing set in stone....well its not set in anything but theory just yet. However, Alec being here for the Summer was an issue we were thinking about. Maybe this is a sign that things will work out since there are no issues now other than getting the job in the first place. Since I am on the subject of jobs, on April 25th Denver begins the "day shift" at Boeing. Why is this news? Well, for the past 10 years Denver has always worked a night shift (with the exception of Kentucky).....We rarely eat dinner together. My night routine is going to change drastically. I will now have someone to help me with the boys endless homework, baths, baseball/soccer games.....are you getting the picture? It is going to be strange at first.....but it is a great thing. Denver will be able to participate so much more in the kids' and my life. Plus it means that I can actually do things at night without dragging the kids with me... Yahoo! Due to this shift change, he is going to change schools as well. Westminster College is a liberal arts college and therefore does not offer many night classes. So, he has decided to take the summer off and start in the fall at University of Phoenix. The best part about this is that he will finish school a lot sooner than if he had stayed at Westminster. Our family is changing quite a bit this year. All for the better I am happy to report.

I was purusing other blogs today and heard a song on Adam and Cami's sight by Trace Adkins. This last paragraph is about to get sappy so for those of you not interested you ought to sign off now. Anyway, the song is called "your gonna miss this" and it is about enjoying the little moments of life. All the things you take for granted until they are gone. It is the first song playing on my playlist right now. Kids grow up so fast these days you can hardly keep up anymore. I was just talking to my friend Linda yesterday, who just had her fourth baby, and we were talking about how life moves too fast. Everyone "schedules" play dates for their kids because nobody just PLAYS anymore. What ever happened to the days when the kids just went outside after breakfast and knocked on friends doors to see if they could play? I personally refuse to participate in the "play date" game. When my kids want to play with someone, I tell them to go ahead and then they knock on doors. People are just too busy. I was kicking myself the other day during the kids' spring break. I had been asked what fun stuff we were doing for Spring Break. I allowed myself to feel bad for my kids because we werent "doing stuff"......then I realized that I cannot afford nor do I have the energy to constantly entertain my kids. Then they come to expect it and are constantly "bored". It just isnt healthy in my opinion to run run run. Kids need down time. They need to be bored so that they can appreciate the fun times more. Anyway, my point of that rant was to say that we need to take a break from our "schedules" and spend time with our families. I mean time as in conversation, a good meal, play games......RELAX. Pretty soon the kids will be in their 30's and worrying about us. And we will be thinking, why didnt I take more time to enjoy them. The song is a tear jerker for sure.....but very wise and I have enjoyed a good cry this morning while thinking about my funny kids. I just cant get enough of them really......and I dont want them to grow up.

Do You Remember.....

I just woke up from a peaceful 4 1/2 hours of sleep so forgive me if I sound a little distant....or punchy. For some reason, possibly because of a dream I had, I am feeling a bit nostaligic and old. My song list is playing Michael Jackson at this moment...."Remember"....and I just sent an ecard (I know, so impersonal) to my best childhood friend, Shannon.... Her birthday is on April 1st. I typed a small message which included the statement "you are a big part of my best memories"....or something to that effect. So, now of course this has me thinking of those memories. Barbies on the lawn. Eating Venison for the first time. Watching her dad smoke and wondering if it tasted good. Wondering the same thing about the coffee. Playing until dark outside..... She has a brother that is my brothers age and they were best buds too which was fantastic and horrible all at the same time. Great because my brother and I were buddies for a long time and so we were still connected even when with our friends. Horrible because who wants to be around their kid brother all the time! Either way, for me, that time in my life holds some of the BEST memories that I have. I dont seem to remember any of the bad stuff....maybe it is selective memory but who cares. I prefer to focus on what was good in my childhood. My mom owns some of those memories....listening to Michael Jackson always draws me back to those days in West Valley. She was a cleaning fool. And she never cleaned without her music playing. When I smell cleaning products, I think of her and of Rod Stewart...and Earth Wind & Fire....The Beatles....Michael Jackson....and on and on. She had a great music collection and between her and my dad Im sure that is where I got my taste in music. Of course I cant leave Dad out.....The Secret Garden, Star Wars, my Prom dress.....mmm, to go back for a day. Actually it would take more than a day to re-live those memories. Now, Shannon is turning 37 and although this isnt a particularly significant age, it is inching awfully close to 40. I didnt really blink an eye at 30 but I believe 40 might just get me down.... a bit. I can remember my mom turning 30. I also found out recently that when my family moved into our new "BIG" home in Sandy, my mom was exactly the age that I am now. I was 12 then......where has time gone? I sound more and more like my parents everyday. I wonder if my kids are going to have wonderful memories of their childhood as I do. Am I doing enough to give them those memories? Will they have children one day and appreciate us (Denver and I) as profoundly as I have grown to appreciate my own parents? 1971 must feel like several lifetimes ago to my parents....but Im sure they remember it as though it werent all that distant. Ian (my oldest) turns 8 this year. 8 years since his birth.....it doesnt feel like its been more than 3 and 3 years disappears so quickly you dont even realize it has passed. Until it means you will turn 40....which will be the case for me. Ian will be 11, my youngest will start kindergarten....and I will probably type another post about this subject again. "Do you remember when...."

Forgiveness.....

So Ive decided I need to add a resolution to my "NYR's". One of the testimonies in church on Sunday was about Forgiving our enemies. Obviously during this tumultuous time in our country's history, forgiving our enemies is a delicate matter. How do you forgive someone for killing thousands of innocent people? Still, we are expected to forgive.... Whether you are spiritual or not, follow an organized religion or follow one of your own making, forgivness is essential for our well being and ability to function as adults. One of the quotes that I have listed in my "quotes that I love" section states that "hatred is a live coal". Perfect description because it literally simmers and burns inside of you until the fire it creates becomes completely destructive. Anyway, I have old wounds that I still work on everyday. Things that are still "simmering" deep inside of my soul. And, I have news ones too that are feeding those embers. I dont want to feel that ugliness inside of me anymore so I am resolving to resolve....is that english? You understand me Im sure. I am not going to allow adults who act like schoolyard children affect me anymore. People can be so petty and immature. Im sure I have been guilty of such offenses myself...... adults seem to get worse as they age. Wouldnt it be great if we could all be like little children and forgive almost immediately.....and then move on? I think the state of the world would be so much more peaceful. I hope if I teach my children anything at all, it is the quality of being able to forgive their enemies and be the bigger person. That when they grow up they would continue to treat people with respect no matter what.... That they dont hold grudges.... and that they always try to speak kindly and with good intentions. I'm very grateful for the faith that I hold that allows me to seek forgivness and receive it. It is with these principles that I try to follow that I am able free myself from the burdens that this world can pile on top of me. Burdens that I create. Burdens that I have no control over also. I pray everyday that I can forgive and be forgiven.......These are my thoughts for today.

Love vs Anger

I was looking at the MySpace page of a girl that I worked with at ACS and she was blogging about her struggle between her anger and disgust for people versus her abounding love for other people. She struggles to comes to terms with the anger part and someone commented to her blog with this really cool story. I wanted to remember it and so I am blogging it here.....

"There was boy and his grandfather and the Grandfather was telling the boy a story about 2 wolves. One was angry and mean and the other was compassionate and full of love. The wolves were constantly battling one another. The boy asked the Grandfather which wolf would eventually win and the Grandfather responded "the one that I feed"."

Very cool.

Harry Potter.....the end is here.

So, I got up early this morning (Sat) and bought the final book of the Harry Potter series....boo hoo. Seriously though I have already started it (2 chptrs done) and I can tell it is going to be a tear jerker. Im fairly certain that Harry will die in this final chapter of his wizarding life and this is going to be sad but almost unavoidable. Im sure that may sound lame to most of the grown ups out there but Im telling you....if you havent read the Harry Potter books and you enjoy reading, then you are missing out. Believe me, this is no kiddie tale. It is FANTASTIC! and Im going to miss it thoroughly. I can just about guarantee that anyone with an imagination will get hooked the minute they read the first book. So anyway, I cant wait to get into the book tonight. Denver asked me how long I thought it would take to read the 764 page book....knowing of course that I usually cant put them down once I start them. Considering I have to work next week, I assume I will finish it by tomorrow evening.

We went swimming today at the Fairmont Aquatic Center. I still cant believe I actually went to a public pool in my swimsuit....yikes..... This place is cool though. It has a play center with fairly shallow water, a water slide, a lazy river and lots of fun water spouts and fountains for the kids to play in. They also have a large lap pool.. it was fun. Addison is such a little fish. She LOVES the water and it is all I can do to keep her in my arms. She constantly tries to walk away with the boys and doesnt care one bit to go under the water. I dont think she has cried once since the first time she got in a swimming pool at mom and dads. We came home and ate pizza and then Denver and Alec went golfing.....peace and quiet right now with Addison asleep and Alec gone so he isnt tormenting his little brothers. The other 2 are watching spongebob and thinking about sleeping after their big swim. MMMMMMM.......sounds like a good time to jump into my HarryPotter book :)

Ian starts school in 2 weeks! I cant believe it....he is very excited to be in the First grade now. Of course he will feel that way about every grade since that means he closer to being grown up. Alec goes home on the same day that Ian starts school. Evan doesnt start until the 24th. Which is also when Denver goes back to school. School, school, school......its a great thing though. Im actually thinking about taking some voice lessons. Its a long story but basically there is a man in our ward whose sister teachs voice out of her house. I heard her son sing in church and he had such a beautiful voice and thats how I found out that she trained him and her other 9 children. Seriously, Ive heard from my aunt Debra who sings with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir that this woman has an amazing voice herself. I love to sing but wish that I had a respectable voice so Im thinking I may do it once everyone else starts school. I found a class for 20 month to 2 years in gymnastics so Im thinking of enrolling Addison in that around Christmas time. Since she is too young for dance classes yet. I have to wait until she is 3 for that....but I thought it would be fun for her to learn tumbling too...

So, I got new pictures of my future nephew. I dont have any nephews yet and am very excited to meet this little boy. His name is Soren Addicus Ries (if they dont change it) and personally I think he resembles my brother the most....sorry Alisa....although, there are a couple where I can see Alisa's genes too. He is going to be so cute (and stylish.....) Im thrilled to be an aunt and for the boys to have a cousin even though there is a huge age difference. Anyway here is the picture. Babies are so much fun (and work) and what an amazing process it is to become a parent for the first time. Everything is so new and exciting and scary. I remember being pregnant with Ian and being very frightened that I was going to screw up. Well, I guess I have screwed up once or twice but that is the learning process and eventually I figured out that no matter how hard I tried, I was going to mess up at some point. Thankfully Ian (and the rest of them) are turning out to be great kids with no lasting affects of my inadequacies. I wish my brother and Alisa all best at becoming parents to Soren and hope that they are able to see through their inadequacies enough to enjoy all the ups and downs that come with it.

So these are my thoughts today....Im going to go read now.

Vanessa